WHAT THE HELL IS ZUCCHINI?

cooking

I am not a good cook. I have low self esteem to think I only know how to cook the basic Kenyan foods. Tea, rice, porridge, ugali, sukuma wiki, boiled bananas, waru, legumes, meats* and chapatti. My pilau? Pathetic! Biryani? What’s that? Where applicable, I drop a spoonful of Royco. That’s as far as me and spices are concerned.

I made an effort and followed few pages about cooking and food. I want to have a bunch of keys to any man’s heart. I purchased a recipe book outside Tuskys. I went home that day smiling. At last, I could lure Savara. This powerful book would give me the power to invite him to my house and cook after scheming thoroughly. I would watch from the couch as the taste of my food makes this unconditionally bae go gaga. I will smile and fish for a compliment.

“I think I put too much salt. Sorry…”

Noooo! It’s so sweet!” Savara will say. “You are a great cook! Wow! Few women your age cook these days”

Then I will smile shyly and pretend to be surprised.

“Really? You think am a good cook? Honestly, I didn’t know. I find my food boring”. I lie.

My food boring? I usually start eating from the sufuria. We can wear those innocent of faces when need arises. Like when you know some porn stars but when you are with him, porn to you is scary. You appear green. Pure. A saint.

Back to my recipe book. I looked at the first meal. The ingredients mentioned, lord! Zucchini, sprouts and a pint of cumin. Simmer for 2 minutes, sprinkle dough laced with york. Ok, what the hell? What is zucchini? What is cumin powder? Do people buy lettuce? Where? The next meal was worse. The only familiar thing is salt. I spot paprika here and cheddar cheese there. Then I say, “Hapana. I need to learn how to cook pizza or cupcakes for breakfast” the only familiar thing in my recipe book here is dough. It’s devastating. Use grade 3 flour, it says. We only have EXE here and it is grade everything. I see somewhere cucumber! I start smiling. Then I see minced meat. My heart almost sinks but I remember it’s just meat, nothing complicated.

I want to prepare those meals I see. Marinated goat meat. I want it to look exactly how it appears in the magazines. It usually has these green things sprinkled on it. Use ricotta cheese and spiced mushrooms. Who has ever seen mushrooms being sold? Use olive oil and coconut milk. Preferably use asparagus or alternatively use rosemary. A broccoli was mentioned somewhere. I got depressed.

I guess I’ll just stick to ugali, beef and kale. Savara will surely like it.

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted in Health.

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