*Expect some ignorance
I look at men and get so jealous. These people talk so passionately about football and sports in general you would think him and Podolski, childhood friends. Him and Le Bron James, good boys- like boyz wangu. They will clearly state that they have a good line up and they loaned Suarez for 10 million and plan on selling Cahil next season. They will brag that our line-up is amazing with Da Silva as the striker and De Gea as the goalie. If a girl like me sits at an ear drop away, you will start imagining that you have sat next to a very high-end football deal maker. You will start thinking of how lucky you are to be there at that particular moment and immediately start scheming.
Okay back to football. I get jealous because I wish men just took time to discuss us decently and passionately the way they discuss and argue about football. Something like, “Yes, Jackie is very slim but attractive. The woman has a heart of gold.” “Angela is very loud, but have you ever seen the kindness in her eyes?” “Mary may have a temper, but she is perfect mother and wife”. But from what I hear, they have these venomous talks about women in their lives. They don’t want to be seen like women, thus, unlike us, will give short descriptions in their evil talks. They will not give a detailed account like we do. They give highlights. The listeners on the other hand will try not to be too bitchy thus will just give laughs and short exclamations.
“Ah! That one? Just a noisy horn bill.”
Listener: I knew it.
I gave up on our sex life. She’s just not adventurous any more.
Listener: even mine.
Hell never! That woman is too lousy and lazy.
Listener: is that why she has put on much weight?
I made a mistake. I should have married Patricia.
Listener: Si we told you
Huyo ni mchafu!
Listener: Are you serious?
Back to football, last paragraph. I love listening to men as they argue about football calling each other names. They will describe J. Terry as a hopeless player and will say Drogba is falling out. The arguing men will categorically send to hell an entire club plus its fanatics, calling them noisy and having zero skills. Men are loyal to their clubs. I wish they were just half as loyal to us. I don’t know football but I hear Arsenal does not win much and Liverpool does not perform much either. Leicester city? I just heard about it the other day in an emotional pull-out of how they rose from grass to grace. An ardent fan of arsenal will never talk evil of Arsene Wenger, even when we all know his record. Suarez really is poor at scoring but his fans will refute this. Or that guy who bites people. His fans will praise his skills and never openly criticize him. Even when their team is tailing, there will be no distressed fan leaving. I also heard Manchester does not have good coaches but no sane fan will ever agree. They will brag about ball possession, team work and magnetic strikers even when it is a lie.
I want to be a man when I grow up.